


Never Mind the Mallards

by Trash



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Animal Transformation, Community: wtf27, Crack, Drabble, Ducks, I don't even know what the fuck to tag this as, and more crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:24:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a duck isn’t as cool as Brad had always imagined it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Mind the Mallards

Being a duck isn’t as cool as Brad had always imagined it would be when he got stoned and went down to the pond to feed them bread at night. For a start, he is very aware of how big his butt is, and he is pretty sure his feathers aren’t as green as the other male ducks on the pond. It makes him feel emasculated, or something.

It wouldn’t be such a big deal, but he knows if Chester was a duck his feathers would be the shiniest, bottle green ever seen and his butt would be in direct proportion to his body. And Chester would definitely be more graceful than Brad, cutting through the water without splashing all of the other ducks and he’d be able to walk without feeling like he is going to topple over at any given second.

Chester is a patronising cunt, though. All the time calling Brad a pretty boy and refusing to feed him bread whenever he comes down to the pond to visit because he claims it will make his pretty little boy fat and making him eat bugs instead. Which is gross all on its own, but Chester knows how much Brad hates getting his head wet, and Brad can’t swim fast enough to catch the bugs that swim on the surface so diving is the only other option.

Asshole. He also overlooks the fact that they could go back to living together if Chester would just put down some newspaper and make sure the tub was always full for Brad to bathe in. It’s not as if Brad is asking for the world.

Whatever. The pond is full of hot girly ducks telling him to forget Chester, that the kids from the city come down to the pond on a weekend with loaves and loaves of bread baked in all different ways. And there’s one guy duck who says he is willing to teach him how to fly if Brad is interested.

But if Brad is honest with himself, all he really wants is to sleep in his own bed for the first time in a month. He wants to tell Chester how soft his feathers are, but he can’t. And Chester probably wouldn’t care either way.

Being a duck, Brad has decided, sucks.


End file.
